I wanna be the man behind the curtain

Watching bits of President Bush's State of the Union speech, I had an epiphany: I know what I wanna be when I grow up! I wanna be the person organizing the Republicans' political shows.

I want to control the lighting and the cameras positioning to make sure that the main speaker's head is proprerly haloed, over an inspirationnal slogan background (Mission accomplished! Privatize Social security! This space for rent! etc.).

The choice of music is important: We are family, YMCA and Over the Rainbow = bad. The Eagle Soars (or anything with «freedom» and «flag») = good. Nothing too rhythmically complex though, we are dealing with a white audience here.

Crowd choreography is essential: the purple finger stunt was not a good idea, in my opinion. Too many dirty/sexual connotations of the booger/genitalia nature.

Clothing and accessories made with flags are too clichéed and carnavalesque. I'd like to see something more classy, like for example those glasses made with the number 2000 during that Y2K scare period. Oh, oh, how about a hat in the shape of an eagle nest, with an eagle in the middle, linked to a plastic tube and a bulb and when you squeeze the bulb, the eagle flaps its wings. On a signal, or whenever the speechmaker would pause for applause, you'll see a sea of little eagles flapping their wings, it'll be a magnificent sight!!!

Of course, there will be some pre-arranged drama, guaranteed to bring tears to the audience's eyes, like the hug between the two Iraqi-American mothers. I'm thinking something like: an amputee veteran, slowly climbing the stairs to the podium, then throwing away his crutches in slo-mo à la John Woo, so he can kneel down and hug a couple of orphans of various ethnicities, who are in turn holding a puppy or a kitten. Or may be the main speaker could shake his hand, no, no, he could bless the amputee, yeah that's it, and the amputee would then throw away his crutches and start walking on his own, stammering: «I can walk and each step is a vote for freedom», and then he proceeds to walk towards the orphans, or may be towards his old mother sitting in a wheelchair, holding an apple pie. And as he kneels down to thank the Lord, or eat the pie, or something, the puppy (wearing a US flag bandanna around its neck) would lick the tears streaming down his cheeks. Or something...

So many ideas, so little time.