Subprime for idiots

http://docs.google.com/TeamPresent?revision=_latest&fs=true&docID=ddv7hj34_03774hsc7&skipauth=true

If I can understand this, anyone can, and I can.

Indignation sélective

Je reproduis ci-dessous la lettre ouverte de M. Guy Archambault (http://www.ledevoir.com/2008/09/16/205742.html#content), adressée à Monseigneur Jean-Claude Turcotte, cardinal et archevêque de Montréal, qui a renvoyé sa médaille de l'Ordre du Canada en protestation contre l'octroi de cette médaille au Dr Henri Morgentaler, célèbre défenseur du droit à l'avortement des femmes. Les photos sont de moi.

Mgr Jean-Claude Turcotte, 

Compte tenu du rôle de l'Église au Québec dans un passé encore récent, votre sortie contre le Dr Henry Morgentaler et l'Ordre du Canada soulève beaucoup de questions.

Vous affirmez que l'Ordre du Canada ne devrait être décerné qu'aux seules personnalités faisant l'objet d'un consensus. Si tel était le cas, êtes-vous certain que vous auriez reçu cette distinction? En 1996, de nombreux Québécois ont été choqués que l'Ordre du Canada soit attribué au représentant d'une institution qui, à leurs yeux, avait souvent penché du côté de l'oppression et de l'obscurantisme et représentait toujours une menace pour les libertés. Pourtant, ils n'ont pas mené de cabale contre vous comme vous le faites maintenant contre le Dr Morgentaler. Seraient-ils plus tolérants que vous? 

Vous avez retourné votre insigne, car vous ne pouvez supporter l'idée d'être membre d'un ordre aux côtés d'un homme dont les actions soulèvent votre indignation. Est-ce à dire que rien ne vous indigne dans les actions passées et présentes de l'Église? Passons sur l'Inquisition, les bûchers et les massacres d'Albigeois -- c'est de l'histoire ancienne n'est-ce pas? -- même si le clergé québécois glorifiait encore les croisades dans les années 60... 

Mais l'antisémitisme? Mais la filière vaticane, et les compromissions avec le nazisme, le fascisme et les dictatures chilienne et argentine? Et ici au Québec, vous ne vous scandalisez pas de la lutte hargneuse contre la démocratie et le droit de vote des femmes, des pressions des prêtres sur les femmes les plus fragiles pour leur imposer la soumission à leur mari et des grossesses répétées, de l'oppression des enfants dans les pensionnats? Rien de cela ne vous pousserait à retourner votre anneau? Je vous trouve l'indignation bien sélective. 


Vous avez le droit d'être en désaccord avec la conception du libre choix du Dr Morgentaler, mais vous devez reconnaître son courage et son abnégation, lui qui n'a jamais hésité à sacrifier son confort et sa sécurité à son combat. Ce combat, il l'a mené avec pour seul souci l'émancipation des femmes, au moment où elles étaient maintenues dans un état d'infériorité et de soumission. À l'époque, je n'ai pas souvent entendu le clergé protester contre la condition des femmes, lui qui se prétend au service des faibles et des démunis. 

Que pouvons-nous ressentir en vous entendant exprimer des conseils paternels à des femmes fragilisées, vous, le représentant d'une institution qui les a constamment méprisées et rabaissées? Vous prenez un ton bienveillant et prétendez ne pas vouloir recriminaliser l'avortement. Il vous faut convaincre en douceur sans effaroucher les brebis égarées, dont vous sentez bien la méfiance et la réticence à votre endroit. Lorsque le clergé détenait un pouvoir considérable, il ne s'embarrassait pas de tant de scrupules. C'étaient les anathèmes, les excommunications, les interdictions de sépulture, le chantage permanent au châtiment éternel. 

Et que pouvons-nous ressentir encore en vous voyant prendre la défense des futurs enfants que sont les foetus, vous dont l'Église a mis plus d'énergie à protéger et à «réhabiliter» les prêtres pédophiles qu'à se porter au secours des enfants réels et bien en chair qui étaient leurs victimes? Est-ce vraiment la vie que vous aimez, ou plutôt un principe abstrait et rigoriste dérivé de vos dogmes religieux? 

Le retour aux valeurs traditionnelles dans certaines régions du Québec ne vous a pas échappé. Vous y voyez une occasion rêvée de reconquérir un peu de votre pouvoir. Comme Mgr Marc Ouellet avant vous, vous essayez de surfer sur la vague, trop impatient de reprendre votre magistère moral. L'autre soir, le Téléjournal nous a offert le spectacle d'hommes en noir empressés de diriger les consciences en pleine campagne électorale, parce qu'ils pensent rencontrer enfin un vent favorable. Cela nous a rappelé des souvenirs douloureux. Ceux qui croyaient que vous vous étiez amendés ont été détrompés. Pour cela, je vous remercie.

Sarah Palin & Hillary Clinton on SNL

Beautiful Waste of Paper and Time

From Cynical-C blog:


EepyBird's Sticky Note experiment from Eepybird on Vimeo.

La blague du mardi

Sent by Bernouille [Merci, Bernouille!!]

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles.

Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening, "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk ?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

"You are truly a wise rabbi," they said."How did you know we got the cow from Minsk ?"

The rabbi answered, "My wife is also from Minsk .."

Those $%?*&!!!! Squirrels!!!!!

Frigging bastard!!!

Here's how I usually spend my weekend: my dog wakes me up at 6:30, I get up and go open the kitchen door for her, the dog goes outside and does her morning business, I go back to bed for another 2-3 hours, leaving the door open for the dog to go in and out as she wishes. Then I get up for real, have a leisurely breakfast, before running my errands and doing my chores.

So, same routine this morning, but when I got up the second time and went in the kitchen to prepare my coffee and croissants, this is what I found on the kitchen counter:

Some frigging squirrel came inside the kitchen, climbed on the countertop and ripped open my bag of croissants and stole one. I saved two croissants for my weekend consumption and now I only have one left!!!! And he probably licked that last one too!!!

GGGGRRRR!!!! #@%?@&**@$!!!!!!

Beside putting this carpet at the entrance of the kitchen and firing the dog, what else could I do???

Republican Game Plan

According to Falstaff (http://falstaff-falstaff.blogspot.com/2008/09/defensive-assignments.html):

Defensive Assignments

Okay, I think I've got the Republican defensive game plan down now.

Palin, you're covering Obama.

McCain, you're going after Bush.

Don't worry about Biden -- he'll be occupied talking to himself in the backfield.

If they bring in Hillary to call some plays, just stand aside. Every first down she gets will just demoralize their bench and fans, thinking about who could've been their starting quarterback.

Okay, break!

There is no Higgs and I'm too old for this

The other day, Asparagus and I were watching a TED clip about the superstring theory and a multidimensional universe. Listen for yourself.

I tried to stay interested, because the talk was fascinating, but I'm too old and soon fell asleep. Imagine my surprise and delight when I found out the next day that a young scientist is explaining the same thing by rapping.

Well, you guess the punch line... I fell asleep again!!

The Lion-Hearted Christian

Sorry about the music.. and the gnan gnan messages..

President Bill Clinton's Speech in Denver 2008

Hillary Clinton's Presidential Speech

Unclear On The Concept

The problem: Hillary's supporters are not warming up to Obama.

From CQ Politics: "Democratic congressional leaders said Sunday they would settle for nothing less than enthusiastic, unambiguous rhetoric from Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and former President Bill Clinton encouraging their supporters to rally to Barack Obama ’s presidential candidacy and quell talk of party disunity... Top Democrats say it’s unthinkable that the Clintons won’t appear to fully on board behind the ticket during this week’s convention and into the fall. But they are offering thinly veiled warnings about fealty nonetheless. The House majority whip, James E. Clyburn of South Carolina, said that in their speeches the Clintons have to “really demonstrate to this party and the American people where they are with Obama’s candidacy.’’

The solution: More insults, of course.

From Clusterfuck: "...a flock of disgruntled harpies has landed in Denver to advance Mrs. Clinton's claims at all cost... Meanwhile, reports coming out of Denver that Hillary's Harpies say they would rather vote for John McCain than Barack Obama simply boggle the mind. How fucking crazy are these women? And what have they made of their movement to advance political equality -- a mere campaign of revenge? Is that what their country needs right now?"

Whipping and beatings will continue until morale improves

Instant Karma

La Rubrique "N'importe Quoi"

Le pire, c'est qu'il y a une faute d'orthographe à "Utiliseés".  

Explication: en anglais, un caban, c'est un "pea jacket", mais pour un francophone, un "pea", une pie, same shit.

No Respect At All

Ce midi, je suis allée acheter des rouges à lèvres à Pharmaprix, où j'ai été servie par un jeune homme tout mignon, très aimable. On va ensemble à la caisse, je paye et il me dit: "J'aurai quelques échantillons à vous donner" et il me tend un petit sachet de crème antirides. Je prends le sachet, remercie le vendeur et me prépare à partir, mais il me retient : "Non, attendez, prenez-en encore!" et il me tend une poignée de sachets. Me retenant de rire, je m'exclame à très haute voix : "Espèce de goujat! Je veux parler à votre superviseur!!" Le pauvre vendeur est devenu tout rouge et bafouille, les yeux écarquillés : "Euh, non, madame, ce n'est pas ce que je veux dire...heuh...pas du tout... heuh...excusez-moi...je..je..." Je lui tourne le dos et m'en vais rapidement pour ne pas éclater de rire.

The Winners

From: Bartcop http://www.bartcop.com/

The Knighthood of Sir Nils Olav, aka The Black Knight (Motto: "It's only a flesh wound")

(From the BBC News : http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7562773.stm)

A penguin who was previously made a Colonel-in-Chief of the Norwegian Army has been knighted at Edinburgh Zoo.  Penguin Nils Olav has been an honorary member and mascot of the Norwegian King's Guard since 1972. Over the years, he has been promoted through the ranks after being adopted by Royal Guard who visited the zoo. During the ceremony, Nils had a sword dubbed on each side of his head, where his shoulders should be, to confirm his regimental knighthood. 

A crowd of several hundred people joined the 130 guardsmen at the zoo. A citation from King Harald the Fifth of Norway was read out, which described Nils as a penguin "in every way qualified to receive the honour and dignity of knighthood". 

The guardsmen come to see Nils every few years while they are in Edinburgh performing at the city's Military Tattoo. The proud penguin was on his best behaviour throughout most of the ceremony, but shortly before the ritual was concluded and possibly suffering a bout of nerves he was seen to deposit a discreet white puddle on the ground. 

Drawing a polite veil over that, Darren McGarry, animal collection manager at the zoo, said afterwards: "It went extremely well and we are delighted that the Norwegian Guard honoured Nils Olav with a knighthood. "We all enjoyed the occasion and Nils was a perfect penguin throughout." British Major General Euan Loudon officiated at the ceremony. 

Mr McGarry, added: "Nils always recognises the Norwegian guardsmen when they come to visit him.  "He loves the attention he receives at the ceremony and takes his time inspecting the troops." Nils has also received medals for long service and had a 4ft bronze statue built in his honour. 

Guardsman Captain Rune Wiik said: "We are extremely proud of Nils Olav and pleased that an enduring part of the Royal Guard is resident in Scotland helping to further strengthen ties between our two countries." 

However, the penguin honoured on Friday is unfortunately not the original Nils Olav. He died in the 1980s and was replaced by a two-year-old penguin at the Zoo. Norway presented the zoo with its first king penguin in 1913, the year of its opening. 

David Windmill, chief executive of the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland, the charity that owns Edinburgh Zoo, said: "We have a long-standing history with the Norwegian King's Guard and it is something we are extremely proud of."

Mother-Children Love Transcends Time

(Via Pharyngula: http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/)

From the National Geographic Site: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/08/080814-sereno-sahara-missions.html

Paleontologist Paul Sereno and his team were scouring the rocks between harsh dunefields in northern Niger for dinosaur bones in 2000 when they stumbled across the graveyard, on the shores of a long-gone lake.

Perhaps most incredible was the 2006 discovery the Stone Age Embrace—a Tenerian woman facing the remains of two young children, their arms posed and hands interlaced. Pollen remnants from underneath the skeletons shows the dead had been laid on a bed of flowers. "This is a landmark burial—there's nothing like it in prehistory," Sereno said. 

The scientists eventually uncovered 200 burials of two vastly different cultures that span five thousand years—the first time such a site has been found at a single site.

Called Gobero, the area is a uniquely preserved record of human habitation and burials from the Kiffian (7700 to 6200 B.C.) and the Tenerian (5200 to 2500 B.C.) cultures, says a new study led by Sereno of the University of Chicago.

The "watershed" find also offers a new window into how these tribes lived and buried their dead during the extreme Holocene period, when a grassy Sahara dried up in the world's largest desert.

Very cool stuff. Please go read the whole thing... or buy the September issue of National Geographic.

Hindi Salsa

From Sepia Mutiny (http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/005321.html)

Meet Giju John, 33. Born: Thiruvananthapuram, India. Lives: Silicon Valley. Employer: Intel. He’s an electical engineer who’s got his groove on.



Giju John is back in India right now, on a three month sabbatical. He’s giving his salsa career his all, shooting music videos, performing, and attending … the 3rd annual India International Salsa Congress in Bangalore from the 14th to the 20th of August. Who knew Salsa was so big in India?!

He's Old

It took me a long time but I finally got it: McCain is old, doncha know?

I've been following the US Presidential campaign since the beginning of the primaries. I've read and watched the attacks from both sides in the newspapers, blogs and video clips. We all know that Obama is a slick, flipflopping, race-baiting, inexperienced Muslim while McCain is ... what?.. old? That's the theme of all the attacks against McCain. One blog that I read is WTF Is It Now (http://maruthecrankpot.blogspot.com/) and that's the gist of practically all their posts about him. I keep waiting in vain for the mean stuff to start. We all know John McCain is a despicable disloyal spouse who dropped his first wife to golddiggerly marry a younger richer woman, a sexist old (there's that word again) pig who called his second wife a "cunt" in public, a stupid ignorant fool who knows nothing about politics, geography, economy, computers, etc.. etc. When are the Democratic campaign and the left blogs going to mention all this in their attacks?

It seems like all he's being criticized for is being old. This morning, Paris Hilton issued a reply video making fun of McCain for .. yep, the crime of being old.

And that's when the lightbulb finally clicked on for me. In the US (and probably in all Western countries), it is, if not a crime, at least a sin, to be old. People can make fun of you for being old, and you are supposed to be ashamed of being old. It's not great being an airhead, like Paris Hilton, but it's, like, a hundred times worse to be old.

It was obvious to everyone in North America but me. Because I'm an Oriental, I kept waiting for the insult, and it was right there, in front of my nose. The insult is: You're old, booh!

This reminds me of the time when I first arrived in Montreal and I read on the wall of the metro: "Il est interdit de blasphémer" ; instead of being insulted, I laughed when I heard the local curses: tabernacle, hostie, ciboire, etc... I would probably also laugh if a Haitian witchdoctor threatened me with a voodoo curse.

What I'm trying to say is: People! Go at him with real hurtful insults! Don't just mock him for being old, there's no shame in being old, it's not his fault and you'll be old too (at least, I hope for you that you'll get old). Sheesh! Westerners!

Xe Ôm: Solution au réchauffement planétaire ?

L'édition du Monde de ce matin contient un reportage sur les motos-taxis à Paris : http://tinyurl.com/6cy3um

"Depuis quelques mois, le succès des "moto-taxis" ne se dément pas. "Nous étions 80 en septembre 2007 en Ile-de-France, nous sommes environ 300 aujourd'hui", indique Bader Bourlier, qui, comme tous les pilotes, a créé sa propre société, Shuttle Bike. "En l'absence de législation, nous sommes assimilés aux limousines avec chauffeur. Les compagnies d'assurances exigent au moins cinq ans de permis sans aucun accident", précise-t-il. Rencontré aux abords d'Orly, où il vient de déposer un client, Fabrice, 41 ans, parle volontiers de son métier ; des soirées où il part "à la pêche" de nouveaux clients dans les gares parisiennes, quitte à déclencher "une embrouille" avec les chauffeurs de taxi."

Moto-taxi à Paris

Tout ça, c'est très bien, mais ça ne vous rappelle pas quelque chose?... voyons, heuh .... ça commence par un x...

Xe ôm à Hanoi

S'il y avait des xe ôm à Montréal, comme à Hanoi ou à Saigon, je me débarrasserais tout de suite de ma bagnole.

Singh Is Kinng

Finally, someone famous (beside myself, that is) not from India who loves Bollywood music. From the International Herald Tribune :

The rapper once dubbed "America's Most Loveable Pimp" by Rolling Stone makes his debut in India this summer, with a guest appearance on the title track of a highly anticipated Bollywood movie, "Singh Is Kinng." The movie is set to open in August, but the title song is already in heavy rotation on some radio stations in India.

A fusion of hip-hop and bhangra with a simple chorus ("Singh is Kinng, Singh is Kinng, Singh is Kinng"), it features Snoop Dogg giving "what up to all the ladies hanging out in Mumbai" and rapping about "Ferraris, Bugattis and Maseratis."

Snoop Dogg wears a Sikh turban and an ornate long coat called a sherwani in a video of the title song, which was shot this year in Chicago. Geffen Records owns the distribution rights to the song in the United States and Canada and may release it later this year as part of a compilation.

"I really dig how much music is infused with the movies" in Bollywood, Snoop Dogg said in an e-mailed response to questions. "Lots of hip-hop tracks sample Indian music, and a lot of their music sounds like it was influenced by hip-hop," he said. "We're putting together something real big" in India, that will include collaborations, live shows and "more movies with some of my Bollywood homies."

And here's a video of the tittle song Singh Is Kinng, performed by Akshay Kumar and RDB (Rhythm Dhol Bass), at the 2008 IFFA Awards Ceremony in Bangkok:

Yeah, Sure, Blame The Interpreter!!

Happy Birthday To You, You Piece of Crap!

Gâteau trouvé sur le site Cake Wrecks: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ (via Cynical-C Blog).

Je suppose que c'est ce que dit l'inscription en chinois....

Monday Videos

Great video to start the week: I am Fearless Japanese Female Wrestler, Hear Me Roar! (via Cynical Blog: http://www.cynical-c.com/)



From the comments, I learn that the move is called a suplex.

Another "You Got Served" happening:

Dragon Balls

Director James Wong (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0939128/) is working on a Hollywood version of the Japanese manga Dragon Balls. The film will premiere in 2009, but I can already tell you that it will be a flop with the true Dragon Balls fans, a bit like the Super Mario film.

Look at the pictures of the cast and tell me I'm wrong.

Justin Chatwin is San Goku. Chatwin played the role of Tom Cruise's whiny son in War of the Worlds.

Chow Yunfat is Master Roshi aka Tortue géniale. He's too young and he's not bald. And where's the turtle shell and the sunglasses?

Bulma and Yamcha are played by two unknowns (at least to me). And Bulma's hair is not blue!?

Chi Chi is played by Jamie Chung, another unknown.

This is so sad...

Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea

Miyazaki's latest masterpiece is called : Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea. Here's the trailer, followed by the master's interview, all in Japanese of course....

From Wikipedia: Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea (崖の上のポニョ Gake no Ue no Ponyo?) is an animated film by the Japanese anime studio Studio Ghibli, to be written and directed by famed anime filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki. It will be Miyazaki's eighth film to be made under Ghibli. The plot centers on a goldfish named Ponyo who desperately wants to be a human. In pursuing her goal, she befriends a five-year-old human boy, Sōsuke. It was released by Toho on July 19, 2008 in theatres across Japan.

Ponyo on the Cliff is inspired by Danish author Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid as well as by the traditional Japanese folktale Urashima Taro. The seaside village where the story takes place is inspired by a real town in Setonaikai National Park in Japan, where Miyazaki stayed in 2004.  The character of Sōsuke is based on Miyazaki's son Gorō Miyazaki when he was five. 

Film's official website: http://www.ghibli.jp/ponyo/

Hayao Miyazaki's website: http://www.nausicaa.net/miyazaki/ponyo/

Summertime And The Living Is Easy

I'm either on my balcony, eating cheese and baguette, or wolfing down seedless lichees and mangoes, with juice running down my chin and my arms, happy like a pig.

Or I'm in the garden with the dog, inspecting my roses and my blue hydrangeas, until it gets too hot, then we both go back into the house for a shower and a nap.

Life doesn't get any better than that.

P.S. I have lots of Columbine seeds. If you want some, email me and I'll send them to you.

Hereditary Enemies

900-year-old Preah Vihear temple in Cambodia

BANGKOK, July 16 (Reuters) - Thailand and Cambodia moved on Wednesday to ratchet down tensions on their border where hundreds of troops faced off over a disputed ancient temple.

Senior Thai and Cambodian officials were trying to negotiate an end to the stand-off, triggered by Thai protests against the the listing of the 900-year-old Preah Vihear temple as a World Heritage site earlier this month, Thailand's Supreme Commander, Boonsrang Niumpradit, told Reuters.

"Please be calm and patient. We are talking with the senior people in Cambodia and we hope the situation will ease up in a few days," he said.

However, tensions might get worse on Thursday when Thai protesters plan to rally near the border "to protect our sovereignty", a protest leader said. About 200 Thai soldiers and 380 Cambodian troops faced each other a day after three Thai activists were detained for several hours after trying to plant a Thai flag on the temple site.

Angkor Watt in Cambodia

In December 1997 - January 1998, I attended the Fifth International Conference on Buddhist Women organized in Phnom Penh by Sakyadhita (http://www.sakyadhita.org/index.html). Although I was carrying a Canadian passport, I was told to be discreet and careful because Vietnamese are still hated and despised by the local population.

So of course, on the bus taking the Conference participants to visit Angkor Watt, I started asking our tour guide all kinds of difficult questions.

Q : Why do you hate the Vietnamese?
A : Duh! They are our hereditary enemies!
Q: Didn't they deliver you from the Khmer Rouge?

A: Yes, I have to say that I am glad they invaded us and removed the Khmer Rouge.

Q: So why do you hate them?
A: They invaded our country and took our lands.
Q: But that was centuries ago. And the Thai also invaded your country and took your lands. And so did the Burmese. Why aren’t you mad at them?
A: Uh..uh.. well...
Q: The Thai invaded your country as recently as during the 60s. [In 1962, Thailand invaded the same Preah Vihear temple that they are now trying to take over.] I remember King Sihanouk having to go to the International Court of Justice to force the Thai to give back the land. The Thai also claim that Angkor Watt belongs to them. And didn’t the Thai remove the Emerald Buddha from Angkor Watt and take it to Bangkok? Why are the Vietnamese your hereditary enemies, but not the Thai?
A: Uh… We are going to stop at this farm for a demonstration of rice cultivation.

Emerald Buddha at Wat Phra Kaeo in Bangkok

Update - 18 July 2008 : Video clip (in French) about the conflict (from Le Monde)

With Friends Like These

For some reasons, I tend to attract female friends whose behavior is... shall we say, unusual. I've already told you about my friend from Ottawa. I have another friend who's in the same category, i.e. a citizen from Coocooland.

S. is Chinese. I met her when she first came to Montreal to study, some twenty odd years ago. She was penniless then and my future ex and I helped her out a lot. We sorta drifted apart with the years, but recently she got back in contact with me.

S. loves to tell the same old tales of secret agents, spies and mysterious K.G.B.-ish people that are part of her life. If you listen to her, you'd think the whole Chinese community is a network of spooks. She tried to get a job at my workplace, a UN specialized agency, but was unsuccessful and became very bitter about it, so now our conversations are always on the same subjects: the entire Chinese delegation is spying on her and all of the Chinese section's translators and interpreters are incompetent because they were recruted for their loyalty to the party and not for their language skills.

So I tend to avoid her a bit. But the other day, she called me and said that she's got to see me, because she has something very important and urgent to tell me. How could I say no? I suggested meeting her for lunch, and she told me to meet her at noon sharp at the corner of X street and Y street in Chinatown. Let's say noon-ish, I suggested, because I can only leave for lunch at noon and it'll take me 5-7 minutes to reach Chinatown. No, no, she said, at noon sharp. All right, I said, I'll sneak out 5 minutes earlier.

She didn't arrive until 12:25. This is not the first time she's late at our appointments, so I was already resigned to waiting, but she must have seen some trace of reproach on my face, because as soon as she got near, she reached out and patted my stomach and said: Hah! Are you 6 months pregnant?



Now I must tell you that I am absolutely impervious to any criticism about my physical appearance. First, because I used to be quite a beauty in my youth (I know, it's hard to believe, looking at me now, but I have photos and witnesses still alive) so my self-confidence is pretty strong. And second, I'm at an age where I really don't care what most people think, because I'm convinced that I'm surrounded by assholes. So normally I would have just laughed at her jab at me, except this time, I can see, as clear as the sun, the meanness behind her words: it wasn't a joke, she meant to hurt me. But like most people, she didn't have the courage to be openly insulting.

"I know what you're doing", I said to her, looking her straight in the face until she looked away. "You are embarrassed because you are late, it's a loss of face. So to cover your embarrassment, you are attacking me, to avoid having to apologize for your rudeness." She pretended she didn't hear me.

- Look, I brought you some food that I just cooked for you.
- What? I thought we're going to a restaurant. Isn't it why we're in Chinatown?
- No, I went to a restaurant here with my son the other day and he got sick, the food was so dirty!
- Well then, let's not go to that restaurant, let's go to another one.
- No, no, they're all dirty. The food I made you is very clean.
- I don't doubt that, but I'd rather go to a restaurant.

She dragged me to one of those office buildings near Chinatown and we sat at one of the picnic tables the offices provide for their staff. Then she took out from a plastic bag a yogurt container full of dumplings, a cold boiled egg with broken shell because it was at the bottom of the bag and a lukewarm soft drink.

- Here, here's your lunch.
- Uh, thanks, and what are you having?
- Nothing, I've already eaten.
- What? WTF are you doing? You dragged me here for this?
- I am very careful about the yin and the yang and the seasons when I cook, you know. This food I brought you is very good for you, very healthy.
- That's it! I'm going back to the office.
- You don't want the food?
- S., I didn't come here for the frigging food. I brought my own lunch, but I left it at the office, because I thought we would be going to a restaurant cause you asked me to meet you in Chinatown because you had something important to tell me. So what is it you wanted to tell me?
- Well, you know the Chinese delegate. His wife is trying to find out all about me and she asked about me with the nun who's teaching my son...
- That's it! THAT'S IT! No more, S. It's the same nonsense you told me last month, and the month before that and every single time we met. It doesn't concern me at all, it's about your community. If there is something I can do to help you, tell me exactly what you want me to do. Now! Tell me now! If not, I'm sorry, but I cannot do this anymore. I do not want you to cook for me, I do not want to spend time listening to the same old stories. Don't call me for the next six months. OK, S.? Have a nice summer.

And I left.

James Bond's Umbrella

via: Wired

The entourage of the Philippine president, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, has an unusual secret weapon. Her security team defends the head of the government with umbrellas. Not ordinary umbrellas, but unbreakable fighting umbrellas.





And here's a secret video clip of James Bond's combat training:

Lord of The Democrats

"A Satirical Presentation of this election and to find HUMOR in it.
For Hillary, For Puma, & For all who will stand up and fight for Democracy. All Music & Images & Clips are Copyright to its original owner(s), including the Lord of the Rings Trilogy by New Line Cinema."

Allons zenfants

Bonne fête nationale, la France! Aux armes et caetera!

 Comme toujours, je suis en retard d'un jour...

Ma Thèse de Doctorat

Voici le résumé de ma thèse.

Les chats sont intellectuels, subtils, nobles, réservés, introvertis, susceptibles et dédaigneux. Ils sont aussi plus spirituels que les chiens (voir preuve ci-après). Ce sont les Bac Ky du monde animal.

Chat priant les dieux du frigo



Les chiens quant à eux sont s'enfoutistes, jouisseurs, sportifs, extravertis, gourmands, généreux, tolérants et clowns. Ce sont les Nam Ky du monde animal.

Chien se la coulant douce




Voilà ma thèse. Vous pouvez m'envoyer mon diplôme par la poste, svp? Je suis trop paresseuse pour aller le chercher. Je suis une chienne sudiste.

Sunday Videos

via: http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/

Watch Us Work It by Devo

Also :Dog Manicure

Link: http://tinyurl.com/6j9rd8

iPhone, uPhone

For my son Asparagus' birthday, I promised him an iPhone, so on Thursday, the eve of the iPhone launch in Canada, I went to a Rogers store to reserve an iPhone. The dealer laughed in my face :

"We don't take reservation, Madame. People will stand in line, some will camp in front of the store tonight, and it will be first come first served."

I warned Asparagus : I will go to the store before work in case they open early, but if not, I will not be standing in line and I will go during my lunch hour, so if they run out or something, I'll try again some other time, OK?

So at noon, I went to the store and lo and behold, there was nobody! I told the saleswoman: "I'm here to fend off the crowd and try to buy an iPhone, please", but irony was lost on her.  And then the circus began.

First of all, since I'm already a Rogers customer, I'm screwed : the iPhone is for new customers only, meaning that I cannot upgrade Asparagus' account with a regular cellphone to an iPhone account, meaning he would have to start a 3-year contract with a new cellphone number.

Second, since I have a contract with Rogers, I'm doubly screwed, because they will not let me cancel Asparagus' old account without heavy fines. Eventually, it turned out that Ive been a Rogers customer for so long that there was no contract, a little bit like being President for life.

Third, Asparagus had to be present, because he had to sign the contract. I offered to sign for him, they said no. I said: you will see me sign my son's name in his place, but neither Rogers nor Apple have to know. I'm not trying to defraud you or anything, I just want to give you my money. They said no. I said: OK, then, I will open the new account in my name and give him the phone to use. They said no, because you will not be able to cancel your other account. That's when my patience ran out. I started raising my voice: "What the frig does Rogers care whether I have ten accounts with them or zero account. I'm here to buy your product, do you want my money or not, friggady friggadoo?" The whole store became silent and everyone turned around to stare at me. As we know, Orientals are not used to public scenes and confrontations.

So I calmed down and called Asparagus: you have to be here, or they won't sell me the iPhone. By the time he arrived, the staff were still apologizing to me: we understand how you feel, it's not us, it's Rogers' and Apple's policies, etc..

Turns out, it was a good thing Asparagus was there, cause there were so many choices and decisions to be made, I wouldn't be able to conclude the transaction anyway.

So now we have an iPhone in the family.

Friday Videos

My faithful readers (all three of you) know how much I love Indian/Pakistani dance video clips. So imagine my delight when my favourite TV show "So You Think You Can Dance" decided to feature Bollywood as one of their dance style choices.

I couldn't resist "borrowing" from Ultrabrown (http://www.ultrabrown.com/posts/robot-gopis), an Indian blog, these two videos: first, the SYTYCD rendition of a choreography of a song from the hit film Om Shanti Om, then the dance sequence from the film itself. Enjoy!


So You Think You Can Dance - US Edition





Dance Sequence from Om Shanti Om



I made a mistake. The Indian clip above is not from Om Shanti Om, but from the film Amrapali (1966). The song used in SYTYCD sequence is from Om Shanti Om. Are we clear?


Bonus:
Bollywood dance style from So You Think You Can Dance - Australia Edition

That Obscure Object of Desire

I want it. But I can't have it.

Senator Clinton's fans are organizing a fund raising push to help retire her campaign debts. If you contribute $US 50.00, you get this great T-shirt. Link: https://contribute.hillarycampaign2008.com/tsland.html?sc=1983&utm_source=1983&utm_medium=e

I would love to help Hillary Clinton, but I am not a US citizen, so I cannot contribute. If any of my readers is, can I ask you to contribute and get the Tshirt (size L) and I'll buy it from you? Thank you.

Chronique d'une mort annoncée

La nuit dernière, j'ai fait un rêve bizarre, un peu lugubre, mais aussi très rassurant. Non, il ne s'agit pas d'un meurtre prémédité comme dans le roman de Garcia Marquez. Non, j'ai rêvé de ma propre mort... Je vous raconte.

Je suis dans une chambre inconnue, complètement dans le noir. À mesure que mes yeux s'habituent à l'obscurité, un peu comme les personnages du premier film de la série Saw, je me rends compte que je suis seule, recroquevillée dans un lit. Je vois de la lumière sous la porte de la chambre. Je ne suis ni enchaînée ni ligotée, mais je n'arrive pas à bouger. Soudain, je SAIS, avec certitude, que je suis en train de mourir et la panique me saisit. J'ai peur, non pas de mourir, mais de mourir sans comprendre pourquoi et dans quelles circonstances.


Je me mets à hurler, toujours recroquevillée : HELP! HELP! HEEEELP!! Il me semble que je hurlais depuis 20, 30 minutes, quand soudain la porte s'ouvre et je vois sur le seuil la silhouette de mon fils aîné, Asperge. Il entre, toujours en silhouette noire, parce que je suis aveuglée par la lumière éblouissante du cadre de la porte. Il s'approche de mon lit et met sa main sur ma joue. Il me dit: It's OK, I'm here. Puis il grimpe sur mon lit, s'étend tout contre moi en me tournant le dos, prend ma main et amène mon bras par-dessus son corps pour que je l'enlace. Je sens la chaleur de son corps contre le mien et je COMPRENDS alors, avec certitude, qu'il est là pour m'aider à mourir et une grande paix m'envahit.

Et je me réveille, le visage et l'oreiller inondés de larmes.

Video of the day

Borrowed from Jesus'General (http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/)

Saskatchewan by Les Trois Accords


With kwailo farang pure laine ninjas! Haaay Yaah!

Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Trois_Accords
Site officiel: http://www.lestroisaccords.com/
Blog officiel: http://www.lestroisaccords.com/blog/

Happy 73rd Birthday, Your Holiness!

Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso, né Llhamo Döndrub (Tibetan: ལྷ་མོ་དོན་འགྲུབ་), was born on 6 July 1935 in Qinghai (China). He is the 14th and current Dalai Lama. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, honorary Canadian citizenship in 2006, and the United States Congressional Gold Medal in 2007.

Pourquoi je ne peux pas piffer les Vietnamiens*

L'avenir du pays

Mes rapports avec mes compatriotes ont toujours été empreints d’ambiguïté. Autant j’admire le Vietnam pour son esprit indépendant et son passé «glorieux», autant je trouve les Mit (raccourcis de « Annamites », sobriquet que les viet kieu se donnent, équivalant au nigger pour les noirs américains) exaspérants dans leurs petitesses, leur superficialité et leur autoritarisme.

Jeudi dernier, j’ai reçu la visite d’une bonne amie d’Ottawa. Elle venait à Montréal pour visiter ses enfants dont le dernier fêtait son 25e anniversaire ce jour là. Le plan était que j’irai la chercher à la gare d’autocars, je la ramenerai chez moi jusqu’à l’heure du souper où on irait rejoindre ses enfants à un restaurant, je la ramenerai ensuite chez moi pour passer la nuit et la déposerai à la gare d’autocars le lendemain avant d’aller au bureau.

Cette courte visite, plus les souvenirs d’autres rencontres brèves, me suffiront pour démontrer le bien-fondé de mon allergie aux Mit.

Esprit de contradiction : peu importe ce que tu dis, c’est non d’office
Elle me emaile avant son arrivée : Tu viens me chercher à 5h15 à la gare d’autocars? Je réponds : Oui, c’est ce qu’on avait convenu. Elle répond : Non, on avait convenu d’un autre restaurant… Ma réaction : !!??!?!?1

Je voulais lui parler de mon plan d’affaires au Vietnam et lui offrir d’y participer, mais j’avais oublié qu’elle était une personne très timorée et très négative. À chacun de mes arguments, elle présentait le pire scénario : ça ne peut pas marcher, ils vont te voler, je connais plein de gens qui se sont fait rouler, etc.. À la fin, exaspérée, je lui dis : Écoute, je sais que tu ne veux pas participer, it’s ok, mais tu n’arrêtes pas de me poser des questions, you’re trying to pick my brain but you’re not even interested in the project. Elle se vexe : « Tu penses que je vais te voler ton plan d’affaires? ». « Non, lui dis-je, personne ne peut me voler mes idées, je suis la seule à avoir les compétences nécessaires pour réussir le projet. Mais tu as déjà décidé de ne pas y participer, et pourtant tu continues à me poser des questions et à contredire mes réponses. Tu n’es pas intéressée par mon projet, mais tu veux tout connaître, par pure curiosité. »

Je m’en fous de tes choix, voilà ce que je veux
À peine assise dans la voiture, elle m’informe qu’elle n’aime pas l’air climatisé (elle arrive en plein juillet vêtue de chandails et d’un manteau long jusqu’aux pieds). Donc il fallait éteindre le ventilateur dans la voiture et la clim dans la maison. Mais on ne pouvait pas non plus laisser la porte de la cuisine ouverte à cause des mouches et des moustiques. Il y avait plein de choses qu’elle n’aimait pas.

NON!

Tout ce que tu fais est mauvais et je tiens à te le dire
Les Vietnamiens que vous invitez à la maison ne sont pas de simples invités. Non, ce sont d’abord et avant tout des inspecteurs et des critiques experts en tout. Dès qu’ils arrivent, ils font le tour de la maison et vous énumèrent tout ce qui ne va pas chez vous et vous disent quoi faire pour rectifier vos erreurs et vos carences. Voici quelques raisons (parmi tant d’autres) pour lesquelles ma maison n’a pas leur sceau Good Housekeeping : le feng shui est tout faux, sans parler des couleurs des murs, du choix des meubles, etc… Ma chienne est sale et ses poils sont partout. Mes plantes, c’est pas ça. Les chambres sont drôlement petites. On ne peut rien trouver dans ma cuisine. Ma collection de statues de kwan yin en blanc de chine, je dois la placer sur des étagères, sinon ce n’est pas respectueux. Comment se fait-il que je n’ai pas d’autel des ancêtres. Pourquoi est-ce que j’ai de vieux meubles alors qu’il y a des entrepôts de meubles orientaux pas chers du tout… etc. Avec ma copine d’Ottawa, c’était une plante en particulier dont le pot était trop petit.

Ma collection de kwan yin

Je suis ton invité(e), mais c’est moi qui décide dans ta maison
Une fois installée à la maison, la copine a un petit creux. Comme il restait plus d’une heure avant le rendez-vous au resto, je lui propose un petit snack vin-fromage, qu’elle accepte. Je sors le fromage, je prends les assiettes et les verres et je la vois en train de découper le fromage à même le comptoir de la cuisine. Je luis dis, en plaisantant à moitié : « M’enfin, attends que je mette la table, on n’est pas des sauvages, tu as si faim que ça? » Elle refuse absolument : Non, non, pas de chichis. Je pense, sans oser le dire tout haut : Et si je te jetais le fromage par terre, tu pourras le manger sans chichi par terre avec la chienne? « Je ne veux pas que tu me serves » dit-elle. Ah, parce que toi, tu veux m’impressionner avec ton absence de chichi à la con, moi, je n’ai pas le droit de manger dans une assiette, comme une civilisée. Finalement, quand on commence à manger sur le balcon, elle me dit que mon pain est rassis (voir Tout ce que tu fais est mauvais etc..).

Plus tard, alors qu’on se prépare à sortir pour aller au restaurant, elle essaye de faire le tour de la maison pour éteindre tous les ventilateurs. L’idée que je puisse avoir une opinion à ce propos ne l’effleure pas une seule fois l’esprit.

Tu es trop conne pour planifier tes propres affaires et on décidera pour toi
Un jour, j’invite deux très bons amis vietnamiens à venir passer la journée avec moi et, comme je devais partir pour Québec ou Ottawa – je ne m’en souviens plus – cette nuit là, je les avertis que je ne pourrai les recevoir que jusqu’à 7 heures, pensant bêtement qu’en leur donnant toutes les informations à l’avance, je leur permettais de faire leurs propres plans pour la soirée. Grosse, grosse erreur. Ils arrivent, on passe la journée ensemble, puis à 5 heures, ils décident qu’ils vont partir pour ne pas me fatiguer avant mon voyage. Ce dont ils se foutent : j’avais fait mes plans sur la base de leur départ à 7 heures et si j’avais su qu’ils partiraient 2 heures plus tôt j’aurais fait d’autres plans. Ce qu’ils ont décidé à ma place : je suis trop faible pour monter dans l’autocar et y passer 2, 3 heures avant d’arriver à destination, et je suis aussi trop conne pour savoir que je serais trop faible pour voyager en autocar sans me reposer 2, 3 heures au préalable. En d’autres termes, je suis comme une enfant qui a de vagues plans et eux, sont les adultes qui décideront pour moi quoi faire et quand. Demander mon avis ou me laisser décider, ce serait me témoigner un respect qu’apparemment je ne mérite pas.

Même chose pour mon amie d’Ottawa. Alors que je lui ai dit à maintes reprises que je me réveille tous les jours à 6h30 pour sortir la chienne et qu’on aura amplement le temps de prendre le petit déjeuner avant de partir pour la gare, elle décide que je ne suis pas fiable. À 6 heures, elle entre en trombe dans ma chambre, toute habillée avec son long manteau d’Il était une fois dans l’Ouest, et me secoue : Réveille-toi, tu vas être en retard pour le bureau!! Je me réveille en sursaut, pensant : Merde, mon réveil n’a pas sonné!? Et elle reste là, comme un fantôme derrière mon dos, alors que je fais mon lit. Mais vas t’en, je lui dis, laisse moi me préparer. Elle sort, enfin.

Lorsque j’arrive à la cuisine pour préparer le petit déjeuner, je constate qu’il n’était que 6h15. Je le lui dis, sa réaction : Hihhihihi! J’ai mal lu ma montre, vas te recoucher!


Hihihihi, je me  suis trompée une fois de plus, mais j'ai toujours raison

On prend le café-croissant sur le balcon. Elle me dit que mon pain est rassis (encore) et que mon lait est yechh, qu’elle préfère de la crème. Et que je ne sais pas m’y prendre avec le café parce qu’il va devenir tout amer (voir Tout ce que tu fais est mauvais, plus haut). Le principe à comprendre avec les Mit (à moins que ce ne soit cette copine en particulier) c’est que s’ils se réfrénaient une seule fois de critiquer tout et n’importe quoi, ils perdraient leur joie de vivre. Super bonus, si la critique est marinée dans de la mauvaise foi. Par exemple, ma copine dont la maison abrite une ou deux plantes desséchées et poussiéreuses critique ma plante touffue et plantureuse, tout en passant sous silence mes innombrables orchidées en fleur, mes grands bambous verdoyants et mon balcon fleuri. Cela ne l’empêche pas non plus, avant de partir, de récolter dans un sac en plastique mes piments forts et mes herbes fines vietnamiennes sur le balcon.

Conclusion — La fin du rêve vietnamien
Avant que vous n’ayez la mauvaise impression, je tiens à vous dire que j’aime mes amis. Malgré leur vietnamitude, ce sont des personnes qui ont du cœur et de la décence (au sens anglais du mot). Toutes ces choses qu’ils font et que j’ai décrites découlent de « bonnes » intentions, ils le font pour mon bien, parait-il.

Un de mes rêves est de finir mes jours au Vietnam, près de la mer. Avec mes expériences auprès des Mit, je crois que je vais y réfléchir encore un peu. Je repasserai…

*Update - 10 juillet 2008:

Un lecteur m'a convaincu de changer le titre de ce billet, qui devient: "Pourquoi je ne peux pas piffer la plupart des Vietnamiens".

My Favorite Songs

I know, I tend to post too many music videos. But music feeds my soul, so shut up and listen.

Al Stewart - The Year of The Cat


Gilbert O'Sullivan - Claire


Gladis Knight and The Pips - Midnight Train To Georgia


Diana Damrau - Queen of the Night Aria